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NEW: a mom's expectation for her boys
Author: Weiting Bollu | May 2023
It hit me that I was going to be a "Boy Mom" pretty early on when we found out our family of 4 will be me + 3 boys (2 little boys being Kian and Baby 2, and 1 big one being Vishal). I think this "Boy Mom" title doesn't include one's spouse. I'm going to write it in the context of my 2 little ones.
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With that "Boy Mom" badge, I fundamentally believe it comes with huge responsibility to make sure my boys grow up to respect the women in their lives.
The women in their lives being their mom (me), grandmas, aunts, cousins, classmates, partners, teachers, colleagues, coaches, service workers, janitorial staff, and more. It goes without saying that each individual they interact with should still be shown with respect. I'm specifically calling out that anyone who identifies as a women need to be shown utmost respect because there are many times when this women group does not get shown the same level of respect.
As a minority women in society and at the workplace, I've gone through (and still go through) times when men underestimate, judge, and disrespect me (and people like me).
If it were my boys on the other end treating other women like the way I have been treated in the past or how I've seen others been treated in the past, it is just not okay. I would declare that a failure on my end.
I need my boys to know that I do not, and will not, put up with any disrespect to women in this house.
What does respect look like?
What does respect look like?
My expectations of respect goes beyond the basics. For me, respect is when my boys:
Deeply understand 'no' means 'no'. It's not a 'maybe' and it's definitely not a 'yes'.
Understand that a women's body is a sacred. Permission needs to be granted by the individual before they can take any action.
Proactively put their support behind initiatives that support women.
Actively speaking out against others who are saying discriminatory or hurtful words to women.
Are in positions of power and continue to seek ways to open the Top of the Funnel for hiring and advancement opportunities.
Make women feel like their voice are important in a room by inviting them to speak when the women don't feel confident in doing so.
Take on equal mental load in a partnership, should they decide to have a partner.
Are actively involved in their children's life, should they decide to have children.
Speak to the women as an equal partner or collaborator.
Seek to understand the history behind inequality for women.
Think about ways they can empower the women around them.
Take responsibility for their mistakes or wrongs they may have done against women.
Understand that teasing or bullying girls/women is not a way make long lasting friends.
Bet on women being the winners and taking home the wins.
Put their ego aside when speaking to women.
Think with their brain, and not with their reproductive organs.
Invite women into discussion rooms, brainstorming sessions, and decision making moments.
Welcome women to have a seat at the table and to encourage women to lean in - further.
Educate others they know about the importance of treating women with respect.
Share examples of the great women in their lives.
Respecting women is the one expectation I have of my boys and I need them to bring forward their best to this game of life.
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Are you a boy mom? Do you have expectations like me? Please reach out!
I'd love to hear from you at wontosa@gmail.com.
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